Why Can’t I Sleep?
The answer to this very important question lay in both psychology and physicality. Sleep is such an essential part of our health and well-being. Did you know that we start to yawn at 11 weeks in the womb? It’s tiring work creating a body! By the end of a pregnancy a baby is sleeping 90-95% of the day, and by the time a baby is born, infants can sleep up to 20hrs a day. And humans continue to sleep their days away until puberty and early teen years, where a 9-10hr sleep rota is very much the norm.
But then, we age. And every year we lose a bit more sleep. I started working in earnest at the age of 16 years old, and I noticed from that time forward my 9 hour sleep sessions reduced to 8. And then to 7. And then I sort of stayed that way until my late 20s. I lost a lot of sleep as a result of a great deal of stress, and I felt perfectly able to operate on 5 hours or less. I would “recover” on the weekends, but I thought it was interesting that during the work week, it wasn’t really possible for me to get more than 6 hours of sleep…
1 in 3 adults in the US don’t get enough sleep. And women are 40% more likely to have insomnia than men, and that’s no surprise as oestrogen and progesterone are involved in a lot of processes that enable a restful sleep.
So, why can’t we sleep? Why can’t our minds shut off and relax?
Unfortunately, many adults are engaging in sleep disrupting eating and drinking habits:
Caffeine (coffee and soda)
Alcohol
Sugary treats and chocolate
High fat foods
And I would wager, 9 times out of 10, people are drinking coffee to stay alert and alcohol to wind-down. They are eating sugary treats for a energy boost and to self soothe. And pure comfort is where all the high fat foods come into play (especially a plate of fried chicken… I’m feeling better about life just thinking about it.)
Eliminating the big four isn’t the easiest when there are a lot of stresses and past traumas impacting your life. It’s easy enough to say just stop doing it, but the feelings of anxiety, upset, and emptiness will rear their ugly heads right before sleep. And after a week, maybe two, of trying to be “good,” I find a lot of people go back to the usual false-energy boosting, false-stress reducing foods and drinks to feel better.
So good sleep hygiene, including elimination of sleep disrupting food, can not be done without an assessment of your mental and emotional state. It just can’t. People will tell you that you need the correct “mindset” to change. But no one keeps a mindset that is adverse to them unless there’s a reason. The reason isn’t good enough to keep the bad habit, that’s for sure. But there is a reason, and you have to get to the bottom of it before you get a good night’s sleep.
So how do we prepare our bodies for improving our sleep?
Ask yourself, why haven’t you made your space more comfortable?
Its one of the most obvious things, the first thing any sleep guru suggests - get black out blinds. Have comfortable sheets and pillows. Make the room cool and dark. But sometimes people share a room with a partner whose temperature is not the same as them, so cool and dark for you is cold and damp for them - in which case you have to have a sincere conversation about healthy options for both of you. Sometimes, we have to prioritise how we spend our money, and new cotton sheets and pillows is not as important as paying the light bill - so a workaround approach of using non-toxic or starchy chemicals to launder your sheets and pillowcases may be a suitable alternative for the time being. You have to question what you’ve been doing in order to find a way to do better. Don’t berate yourself for not knowing or not doing it sooner, just think about it and correct it.
Ask yourself, why don’t you shut off your screens?
We have all become scrolling junkies, whether it’s social media, news articles, YouTube or, ahem, health blogs in the middle of the night. Our mind races at warp speed and it’s like we have no power to stop it. We feel exhausted in our bodies but our minds are wide awake. And we are attempting, poorly, to lull ourselves to sleep by allowing our concentration to just give out on us.
That kind of overthinking isn’t natural to our existence. Like a baby or a loveable puppy, we should feel like we can doze off without something unexpected happening and knocking us off-kilter. Meditation before bed can help us ground ourselves and get a handle on our worries, so we can alleviate them before they take control of the night. And before we get good at meditation, just force yourself to shut off. If you’re reading this in the middle of the night - turn your phone off. You can finish reading in the morning.
Ask yourself, why do you want to sleep better?
When you watch the clock, or drink alcohol, you’re treating sleep as an escape from this world. You want to get to this other place as soon as possible, and sometimes it’s not even for yourself. It’s because someone said you weren’t alert enough at work, or your partner said you seem too stressed. Sometimes you just want more energy for your kids, which is fine, but many people haven’t actually established what they want from sleep. You think there’s an optimum time, place, or context for resting. You’re not actually allowing yourself to rest. Think of all the reasons you need a good night’s rest, whether it’s to feel more joyful in yourself, to have more time to embrace your passion, or to have more energy for the outdoors. Don’t rest for someone else - you’re the one who lives in your body, not anyone else.
There are probably millions of entries on google around how to get better sleep and why people aren’t sleeping. There’s very few people who don’t know the reasons for poor sleep and the importance of good sleep hygiene and appropriate diet.
But what few articles will talk about is your own personal barrier to a good night’s sleep. That’s where you’ll need to begin. That’s how you’ll get a good night’s sleep.
Or at the very least, you’ll be able to start the journey to discover what truly makes you feel more rested, naturally. Sweet dreams!
